I completely forgot it was St. Patrick’s day weekend! I was over at Curious Theater for a rehearsal and as I was walking to a nearby coffee shop (Roostercat) I saw a 3 people stumbling down an alley with shimmering green top hats holding each other up. It was about 5:00pm. I said “It must be St. Patty’s day!” My Irish ancestry is pretty distant so I did not regret having not donned my green yesterday.
The second rehearsal I went to was for a student film project at University of Colorado Denver. Adalynne, my director, has been assigned to recreate a scene from a well known film. Her choice was “Pulp Fiction”. When asked to do the project, I thought, “I will NEVER be in Tarantino’s ‘Pulp Fiction’! Of course I will be part of this!” We are doing the scene from the very top of the film where we meet Pumpkin and Honey Bunny at a diner in a conversation before the rob the joint. I don’t want to give away our little spin on the scene before we do it but if I get a copy I’ll share it on the site. We’ll also be shooting on campus at a coffee shop with students in the coming weeks. I can’t wait for the opportunity to film a robbery at a college Starbucks surrounded by muggles!
A little amped from my ice coffee, I made it home and wanted to get right to dancing naked. I don’t like to wait too late or make it the last thing I do most nights if possible. I started my timer and as I began taking off my clothes I wondered, “Will this ever get old? How will I feel on the 100th day or the 212th day?” The answer to that is that I’m not really sure. All I know is that when I start the music and begin to move my body I just go to my place. This place is like home. It’s my thing. I don’t have to put much effort into it, it’s like a switch, and I’m on auto pilot. Afterwards is just brilliant colors, flight, rushing air, and a closed lip smile. My Zen.
I do spend some time examining my body too. It’s not all just dancing or lip syncing. I forgot that I have a pale flesh mole just below my right butt cheek. That must be the part of me that’s Irish. I look at scars and remember or realize that I don’t remember where I got them. I take stock of these little things and add up all the little parts of me. I also have moments of stillness and I just breathe myself in. Much like I did when I was a teenager, I would sit naked in front of the mirror, quiet, and then change my position to sitting, standing, then crossing my legs. I’m not sure how I got this idea. All I knew is that it worked. I actually felt better about myself, my body, and what I had. I think I was, and maybe never know for sure, prone to an eating disorder but it never came to fruition because I had this little thing I did that kept me…me. It wasn’t until later that I added music and dance to it.
It’s a challenge to face your reflection. Who are we really? What are we hiding? When I put my clothes do I become a different person? Our clothes should be an extension of us not a way to hide our inner fears or sins. When I’m in the mirror and smile at my naked self for a minute at the beginning of each session it is hard, really hard. I want to rush through it, I want it to be over so I can get the dancing part that’s easy for me but facing myself is difficult and awkward, and gut churning. This is my real challenge in doing this project for myself. Each day it get’s a little easier and maybe in millimeters but I feel it.
Do you want to try dancing naked? Check out The Guide and see if it’s something for you. No dance experience necessary. No 365 day challenge. Just one time. Are you brave enough to face yourself in the mirror?
For all the women who cringe at that the sight of themselves, to the women who grab their flesh and scream, to the women who sob as they sit next to the toilet: There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And it is inside of each and every one of you. You are made of up stars and you can shine a light that burns through all the darkness. And this, my friends, is love.